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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.
"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."
i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.
you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"
i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.
what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.
i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.
"don't make a big deal about this," you said.
this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.
"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.
you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."
the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.
afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."
#spilled ink#writeblr#i'm trying to write about this really specific and wierd new experience#that i think is specific to the internet generation#where people you trust can just... say whatever??? and while most people are trustworthy#sometimes they'll just like... put ur shit out there????#and the thing is that sometimes it's GOOD - i want you to tell ppl if ur partner is being cruel!!!!!#i want u to be like ''hey is it normal if xyz happens'' ... but stuff like ''she's afraid of the dark''#PARTICULARLY when it's CLEARLY making fun of me....#what is the point of that.#this is huge and complicated and happens outside of romantic relationships too btw#like someone u thought of as a friend will be like . oh did u know she's scared of heights and it's like.#girl why are u fuckin doing that tho?#it's not a SECRET i just ...???????????????????????#and i think that gross feeling of like -- ''i can't REALLY be upset bc there's not a TRUE RULE about this....''#it's just not something talked about. bc it's so specific and yet so complex#bc how could i say like '' this is a violation of trust'' when it... technically I GUESS isn't????????????#idk maybe im just like super sensitive but please tell me in the comments/tags/etc if this is#something u have experienced (a trusted person like spreading ur shit) and if u were cool with it
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edit (10/23/2024) now that the poll is over: Original version, with 10 questions, from April 2023 here
And, given that the original is from April 2023, that means I can very easily say:
No, this was not an ISAT reference!
Just because I use parentheses and 2nd person pov and love the same concepts of what a time loop can do to a person doesn't mean it's ISAT
(Yes, I like ISAT, the original poll is why I was recommended the game! But if you look at the original, you can see all the origins of the options to choose from, including what spurred me on with the moss option from the replies)
If I were going to make something for ISAT, I would never be so vague, you can simply look at my ao3 for proof of that
#egg speaks#writing#polls#my writing#egg writes#my polls#poetry#time loops#listen I want to run this again#time loop poll#<- check that tag on my blog for the original 10 option version lmao#unreality#you know I didn't think I'd get fed up with people making isat jokes about this#I thought it'd be like oh hey neat same hat#we both like the same game#but people keep going ��oh this is JUST an ISAT reference”#as if it's not a genuine work of creativity I did myself. it feels a bit devaluing#“op you played isat” yes but that came after the original!!!!!#I KNOW it's not meant like that but I want people to engage in my work as its own thing. you can make jokes about similar media!!!#but this is it's own thing!!!!#I want people to like it for what it is. I want people to enjoy it outside of other media. I want it to stand on its own#I'm flattered someone said it was good enough that they think it could be narration from the game and read just as well!!!!#but like. idk. all the other medias popping up (pmmm. orv. higurashi. etc) aren't people calling it a /reference/#if I wanted it to be an ISAT reference I would have tagged it originally. I would have targeted it toward ISAT fans more intentionally.#I love fanworks but this was an ode to time loops alone. I wanted people to think. to have to CHOOSE. I wanted PARTICIPATION#time loops as a narrative and as horror and as a group activity via polls on tumblr. also s/o to the person who said 40 hr work week so tru
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thank u canon plant nerd megumi for my life
bonus:
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiguro megumi#yuji itadori#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#itadori yuuji#megumi#yuuji#middle one FOUGHT oh my god#angle/arm position/watering can/expression NONE of it wld go right#took 2 hours to get the lines only to realize upon laying down flats that it was still Completely off#so i took a break to bake an entire cake came back n finally it started cooperating#tbh idk if im still shaking off ytd's weird funk or what but this took ages longer than it should have#but its ok bc florist/botanist/general plant nerd megu is free serotonin 2 me#i could not decide on one apron 2 give him#but then i remembered he is th type 2 take his hobby Very seriously of course he would own multiple#looks at the hydrangeas listen . listen I Know i ws bemoaning having 2 draw so many cursing their name etc etc#but u dont understand he had to be holding one he just had to. he told me so. he held a gun 2 my head and said U Know What To Do#and i said ok ok ok ok#there r only 2 i survived#and i wld do anything fr him as we well know . cuffs his jeans puts leaves in his hair <3#jjk may have given me trust issues depression anxiety etc but it Also gave me flowerboy megu and i think that balances it out :)#edit added the bonus here bc reblogs dont show up in the main tags enjoy itfs gross flirting mwah <3
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It saddens me that Helen of SPARTA is mostly known as Helen of TROY. As if she wasn't born, raised, and most likely, died in Sparta. Yes, she was of TROY for a while...But she was able to go back home to where she WANTED TO BE.
(Edit: Hating on Menelaus is illegal)
#makes me sad that when I want to tag her. it goes staight to “Troy” . Hector. Andromache. Priam. etc. are of TROY. she was only for acouple#years compared to that being their HOME. SHE wanted to go to HER home. MEH#idk what a good comparison would be but maybe like going abroad for job/school/etc. for a while. and then coming back home.#Are you now only known for what you did for a short while away from your home when you've spent the rest of your life home otherwise?#helen of troy#greek mythology#tagamemnon#helen of sparta#Mad rambles#shot by odysseus
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staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?
🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%
🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%
grace image os i get to look at her
#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the#first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post#for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !!#bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke 😭 but still i tihnk its kinda funny#EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically#also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am#anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things#also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode#i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep#and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves#also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc#id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever#it wld b fun !!!#oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically#a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday#ya !! :3#flappy rambles#inaccessible#ask to tag#(<- idk. just in case)
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Toco Toucan
(Rhamphastos Toco)
#still working on the site including a tagging index for different types of birds but im kinda stuck on how to organize it#if i go by order name i guess that could work but idk if id be able to remember to type each name every time#like... maybe i could do aquatic birds perching birds birds of prey etc..????#whatever heres a toucan#toco toucan#mspaintbirdies#my art#myart#birds#ornithology#nature#illustration
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HAPPY TENTH BIRTHDAY TO DANANDPHILGAMES
#phan#dan and phil#phil lester#daniel howell#dan and phil games#amazingphil#danisnotonfire#AND ETC. OTHER TAGS. IDK
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#star wars#star wars shitpost#this is specifically about#thrawn#btw#idk why thrawn (2017) put me in a chokehold bc none of the heir to the empire books did but here we are#fuck it let’s add a bunch of other tags too#rogue one#andor#the mandalorian#ahsoka tano#the clone wars#star wars rebels#arc trooper fives#darth maul#etc. etc.
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was on namemc cause i was curious if the fishing madness had progressed and
grian??????? NOW what's happened???
#(this hasn't been shown in any videos/streams to my knowledge i just saw it on namemc - so idk if this counts as spoilers?#gonna tag for them anyway tho)#hermitcraft spoilers#hermitcraft s10 spoilers#hermitcraft#hermitcraft 10#hermitcraft season 10#hermitcraft s10#hc s10#hermitblr#grian#namemc spoilers#< stole this tag from a few reblogs cause i didnt know it existed but now realize it would be good to have#organizey tags as usual >#stuff and nonsense ramblings etc#cubic nonsense#hyperfixation type beat
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WOW this has been ROUGH in the Life Events category of things, but. slowly crawling out of that. hopefully
this was the opening scene for a something I started writing after watching the Manben inverview with Nishi Keiko and thinking back to all the classic shoujo manga I stayed up reading back in the day, like damn that's so true Urasawa Naoki
it's partially a love letter to all the greats of the genre that I read, and also to the late night teleseryses that captivated me over the years lmao. it'd be nice to find the time to tackle it properly as a comic, but I'm having fun working on it recreationally :)
✨but since it's recreational, some character info✨
the first character seen is lawrence 'law' valenciano (late 30s), the one with the glasses is cris volante (mid-later 20s). law works at a karinderya, cris is an extremely broke university student.
⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app / insta / tip jar!
#komiks tag#original tag#there's a bit about how shoujo manga pays a lot of attention to hair and ngl its SO true and such a huge influence on my own art#did not realize it until then but when it came to things like hair i did turn more frequently to CLAMP and etc over any big name shonen#artist. and ofc. im a lifelong CLAMP fan. it was just interesting to listen to in discussion! genres are a language and each conveys#what they need to. ofc you get things like genre convention defying things like x1999 which just kind of. melt your brain a bit#ANYWAY i actually started re reading marmalade boy after this interview which was. idk why that one came to mind first#but you can probably guess where that impacted this story idea lmaoo. i am trying to track down a bunch of gender blender josei#manga i read in highschool. god. remember paradise kiss. damn those visuals were killer
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theres very limited options for this so i tried to pick the most "popular" ones i personally see from my mutuals !! if your favourite you think is an Obvious Choice isn't included you may curse me for 1,000 years.
ofc feel free to tag which specifically is your favourite :D and pls reblog for reach!!
#polls#dragon age#baldur's gate#the elder scrolls#fallout#mass effect#elden ring#dark souls#bloodborne#etc etc idk how to tag polls ever.#sdfg\sfsdf#uhhh#original characters
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Hi!! Your Cherik is so good and gorgeous 🤩🤩 If you don't mind wanna try to draw some Fall of X Cherik please?
thank you so much !!
i have a couple of ideas relating to the fall of x period specifically since theres. A Lot i wanna play with, so i hope this lil thing may be a satisfactory start :]]
and the obligatory bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#fall of x#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#for clarity on of this tag ramble im calling magneto max OK ok#sorry it took me a while to answer- ive been busy this week !#but yah like i said theres a lot of Fall Of X moments i wanna poke at#one i really wanted to doodle around was max's time with the shadow king from Resurrection of Magneto#the third issue is prob my fave in general if im so tbh .... but i wont prattle bout that ill go back to my previous prattle#i dont think i have a comic in mind prob just a doodle with shadow charles....#i mean if im devious enough i can def turn it into a comic but for now i just know i wanna do something with that#honestly even this moment i might revisit when i have more time to draw something. a lil better#i dont hate this its a sound start- but i THINK i wanna draw a smooch. a lil kiss. idk we'll see#cause im cheeky like that. 'will this be the last time i see you' 'girl idk we can kiss about it though' etc etc#god not to get off topic but im so curious what will happen with these two ... but thats for a diff post i guess#honestly if you guys have any runs i should read lemme know !! i just finished way of x and bar that ive just been reading the 60s issues#i have a couple on my list i wanna check out but im always excited to look into recs if yall think theyre worth it !!#but ya. thats all from me for now#my time is so finite this week i hope i can draw these sillies again soon .. i have a lot of ideas i fear#maybe i can sneak in one more doodle tonight ... <- doubtful
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endlessly funny to me when people call havoc 'boytoy'
#if i had a nickel for every time someone commented that in the tags of my posts etc etc LOL#jean havoc#roy mustang#royhavoc#draws#fullmetal alchemist#fma#fmab#jeanroy#i think mostly bc the word itself is so funny to me idk i crack up every time. i love tag comments
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just constantly thinking about percy telling vex that he’d like to think they’re all better than they think they are (except her brother, of course) . constantly thinking about when vex tells percy he’s a good man and he gets awkward and flustered and returns that she’s a good woman and when she gets as awkward and flustered he goes “see. it’s not very nice is it.” percy shouting to ripley that he forgives her and vex carves forgive into the wood of her bow. vex tells percy to take off his mask and percy comes across vex in tears and scrubbing at her armour. god. the campaign starts and percy is making arrows as flirting and getting kisses in return and the campaign ends and exhausted and knowing it won’t be a want that will be fulfilled percy admits he never wants to make another weapon and vex equally exhausted affirms that he’ll never Have to. and god . god . opposites attract is great or whatever but the deliciousness of dynamics where the characters hold up a mirror to one another where they get to shed the burden of self and see someone Like Them as someone good or capable of being better and Falling In Love. and that love being a pathway to them coming to grips with their own image and their own capacity to be better. and that the fact that the person they fall for being someone so Familiar means that they see through each other’s shit. that percy sees that vex has fallen into the trap of Nobility tricking people into thinking that makes them inherently better and giving her the only whitestone title someone has to earn beyond selection or marriage or birth. that vex sees percy forgive ripley and discusses the importance of that choice but reminds him that it’s just as important that he forgive himself.
#idk what’s in the air man maybe s3 of tlovm but in general i have been in a perc’ahlia Mood lately they r my lifeblood#i’m just always a big fan of mirror characters that ar simultaneously like spider-man pointing meme but also different enough that#they can each look at each other and be like Well Yes Obviously THEY are deserving of love/worth care/a good person/etc.#BUT IM. much too different in a different circumstance that it couldn’t possibly be true of me#it’s also just. stupid cute to me that part of percy and vex’s flirting and falling for each other was the mutually admitted and expressed#‘i think you’re a wonderful person and I Know you disagree and you think I’m a wonderful person and I Disagree’#vex’ahlia#percy de rolo#percy + vex#perc’ahlia#i’m just gonna start calling it manifesting when i tag perc’ahlia things as#tlovm spoilers#glintshore my eyes are upon yee .#critical role#cr1
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#forever puppy <3#lee know#kim seungmin#stray kids#skz#skz gifs#bystay#skzedit#gagwanzsource#fr though everyones insistence he like wouldnt deal with a dog or whatever had me rolling my eyes#how many times do i have to say that cat guy can love a dog too!! raise a dog!! lee know said he wants to raise a dog in the future#the insistence youre a cat person or a dog person must end. its like being bisexual when people tell you to choose like Naw i dont think so#it was like comments on the kitten interview bein like Wow 🥺 chan was nice to the cats even tho he has a dog 🥺#of course he was you clown. hes even nice to bugs. whatre you thinking#everyone reading these tags pls note: its 2am and i have strong feelings about animals or idk- stop pigeonholing lee know#only pigeon him when he has pigeon hair etc etc.#bye#im not actually angry i just love tangenting on gifsets bc i love to do it
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#somari funny moments.#reblog for sample size ignore if you hate women this too is yuri etc etc idk#I don’t have the followers for this but idc. this is stupid. this whole situation is stupid. my fellow queens deserve better than this#predstrogen#transgender#actually I’m adding tags I feel like this could do numbers
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